Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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