we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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