Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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