i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
