he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
