I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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