In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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