but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
