My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
