Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
