No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
