chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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