ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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