Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
