Please, let me fuck your mom
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
