We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
