I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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