Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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