the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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