do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
