Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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