dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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