i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
