he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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