Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize