Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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