Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
