After last night, I could never be a politician.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
