They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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