thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
