Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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