is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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