I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
