I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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