I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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