We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
