Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
