:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
