It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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