how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
