He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She even gives head with a lisp.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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