Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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