I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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