My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
