Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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