He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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