Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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