You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
