Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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