She said her name was "party"
Michael Bay diarrhea
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
