Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
