today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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