my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
