He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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