there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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