Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
