It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
