I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
