Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
