Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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