Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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