there's paper in my vomit.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
