You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
