I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My Higher Power is John Stamos
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
